Recently I was nominated for a couple of really fantastic awards. It is an amazing thing to have another person take a look at your work and decide that you should be recognized. That in itself is enough to make anyone's day. To be told by a couple of people that you deserve recognition, well needless to say it made me feel pretty good. But pretty weird too. What do you say to something like that? Thank you? It isn't quite adequate to just say thank you when someone let's you know that your work is a model in their eyes. It is an uncomfortable thing to put your own ideas, thoughts and accomplishments in the classroom down on paper in the form of what is ultimately, a competition. It is doubly weird to have to justify each of your practices and decisions in your classroom knowing that a team of people will be critiquing everything you write, or don't write.
My first response was, no thanks, not worthy. I do what I do and love it. I feel like my work is rewarding and exciting and challenging, but award worthy? I don't know about that. So I did what I do when I need to sort out my ideas, I talked. I process out loud which can drive people crazy, but that is what I need to do. Thank goodness for a nice long ride to and from work. I do a lot of processing on the road. Ultimately, my talks with my husband put me on my current path. He said, "You have an opportunity to get recognition for you, your students and your school. You deserve it.
They deserve it. Do it." And so I decided to go for it.
If you have ever been nominated for an award in education, the very first thing you find out is that anything dealing with education is going to mean paperwork. For these two particular awards there is more paperwork than I have had to do for an entire course. I had to video tape a class. I had to document my school statistically, breaking my class out separately with a separate report. I had provide a bibliography for all of my cited research and ideas, and provide evidence for everything I claimed. I had to analyze second by second the lesson I submitted. I had to write and write and write about various prompts, ideas and defend everything I have done. I had to justify at every step. It has been a struggle to say the least. It has been demanding and time consuming and frustrating.
I have had to ask for letters of recommendation. I hate asking for letters. I always feel awkward when people say all of these nice things and build you up on paper. I obtained four different letters from people that I work with and have struggled with and talked with and debated with...and they still wrote really nice letters for my applications. So I have finally reached the submission point for one of the applications and am waiting in limbo to hear if I will progress to the next level with the other. I have found something along the way as I have written and worked and researched and reflected on my classroom. I have found that I really do love my work. Really. I love it. I have found that it is not just "work" but that I feel great pride in what I do. I feel great appreciation for my school community, my administration, my colleagues, my families- they have supported me as I have pushed the boundaries here and there. Sometimes I have pushed really hard, and they still backed me up. While I was writing up all of my required documents, I found myself fine tuning some of my practices and solidifying my ideas about some of the things that I chose for my students. I have found through all of this, a greater sense of clarity about the work I do and why I do it.
Ultimately, I know that I may get a rejection letter or two. I know that my applications could both stop right where they are and that someone else's application may progress ahead of mine. I'm honestly okay if that happens. This process has been rigorous and challenging. I can honestly say that I have put myself through a lot to complete the required work for each application. But if my applications are not successful, I feel like I am walking away with a lot anyway. I know that I have the respect and support of the people I work with. I know that my decisions are based on best practice and sound research. I am confident that the work that I do makes a difference for the students I spend my days with. Taking the time to justify it on paper is a worthwhile thing to do. It is uncomfortable, perhaps, to say that I feel I am doing a great job. It is not uncomfortable to say that I am going to keep on working at doing the job even better.
Being reflective is something that all learners must be if the learning is going to continue at a steady pace. This opportunity to reflect has caused me to ask more questions, connect with more people and extend myself in a new direction. If I am lucky enough to be able to represent my school community through one of these awards, that will be really nice. If I can use this opportunity to inspire, encourage or support someone else to become more reflective in their classroom practice, well, that would be the best thing of all. I have gotten to the point where I feel like this has been wonderful professional development for me. I encourage all of my fellow educators to take the risk and say yes to a nomination. I guarantee that you will learn from it.
Now, if I can just get that last document to upload before the final deadline.....
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